One of the sole biggest enigmas in all of society is judgement. Most of us hate it because it has a very negative feel to it. Judged by a jury of our peers seems dark and makes us feel guilt ridden. Being judged by others makes us feel like we are being negatively viewed.
But what about the time that you have won an award of some kind? What about the time that you were identified for your talents? You were judged but did not have a problem with it. That is the enigmatic nature of judgement and it is all for one reason- the ego.
What if I told you that judgement was the best thing for you? Not because of what others may or may not think of you, but because it is our ultimate measuring stick.
It is human nature to judge others. It is what keeps us safe and what can help us determine what constitutes a beneficial situation and what constitutes a situation that is detrimental to our goals. Unfortunately, we have allowed our lenses to be dirtied, and when that happens, our compass that navigates us through life becomes inaccurate.
The reason we begin to see the world through dirty lenses is because of the experiences we have lived through in our lives. If you have been bullied at a young age, you will feel that everyone is out to harm you both physically and mentally. If your parents divorced, you will begin to believe that all good things will fall apart and you cannot trust anyone. None of these things have to be true, but nonetheless it will become your belief system.
As we experience, we develop and evolve our belief patterns. As we watch and experience society, we notice what others do and subconsciously emulate those habits. It becomes easier to point the finger outward as to what is wrong with the world because that is where our society has landed. Problems are no longer our fault, but the result of everyone else's actions.
Never point the finger outward. EVER.
What happens to us is a direct result of us. Whether you want to believe that or not, it is a very hard truth we must all learn to swallow. Your misfortune had nothing to do with an outside event but rather a lack of preparation and mental fortitude on your behalf.
Although a part of the game, injuries could have been prevented. Failures at work could have been overcome, car trouble could have been better maintained. But life is not about smooth sailing, it is about learning to become the best version of yourself and the only way to do that is through adversity.
The judgement that you are placing on others for their own life choices (hair color, personality behaviours, occupational choices, lifestyle choices, etc.) has absolutely nothing to do with your own journey. In fact, to take it a step further, you are negatively affecting your own life.
Judgement is simply a projection of your own insecurities onto another person, plain and simple. This is why 'confidence is silent and the loudest person in the room is the weakest' rings true. The only time placing judgement on another person is beneficial, is if you have the awareness and understanding to take that thought and implement it the way it was meant to.
An insecurity is merely something that we wish to fix in our own lives. Similar to jealousy, we are simply telling ourselves what we wish to have. For instance, the neighbour next door who is quite rude, may frustrate you and therefore you judge them for it. But with the correct awareness, you realise that you are actually showing yourself (in an obscure way) that you are lacking empathy, compassion and patience because you have not put yourself in their shoes and understood their story. You are only worried about how YOU were effected. That is the ego.
When an insecurity is projected out into the world it is there for someone to pick up on, and because we are poorly educated around our own minds, many people will unknowingly begin to adopt these beliefs. Again, this is why so many people fear judgement.
The most common fear in the majority of studies is the fear of social rejection, and more precisely, public speaking. This is a crippling fear for so many people around the world. Simply because so many of us are afraid of what others may think of us.
Many studies have been done on how many people dislike their jobs and the numbers, although varying in exact percentage, do tend to show anywhere from 75%-90% of people hate what they do for a living. Eight or nine people out of ten hate what they do for a living.
So why not change? Why are we afraid to start a new career and do something that we love and are passionate about?
Many people immediately point to financial security and while that can have some truth to it, in todays day and age there are far too many outlets and ways to monetise what you love to use that as an excuse and sit idly by and watch your life and dreams slip by. You may face some more adversity, but that is where you become the best version of yourself.
The real reason do not want to start something new is because they are afraid of what others will think. They are afraid that the little status they had as a mid level corporate figure or whatever job title they had is stripped away, they will no longer have any worth or value. We are so afraid to jump into what we really love because we have to start at the bottom of the ladder. We would rather show up to work, watching our soul die because our ego is afraid of what others will think about ourselves, completely ignoring the fact that our soul and the essence of who we are will find fulfilment, passion and love.
Again, we let the judgement of others win. We let the basic fear of judgment keep us from becoming who we truly are meant to be.
The thoughts of us will never matter. The feeling of being satisfied with your own effort despite the outcome is something I hope everyone feels. You may not have accomplished the goal you set out for but you know you brought the absolute best version of yourself to the party. If they judge you for that, so be it because you will always walk away with your head held high.
As you begin to build your awareness of judgement and realise that you are the judge, jury and executioner, you become empowered. You are no longer tied to the subjective views of others, but rather the objectivity that lives within you. The question is always simple, "did I put the best version of myself forward?" The answer is only yes or no and deep down at the very core of you, the truth lies. Only you know if you held back or if you gave everything you could have.
A simple example of why only your internal opinion matters can be found in my career as a professional athlete. Subjectivity of others is never a steady measuring stick. As a professional, some may view me as successful simply for playing eight seasons abroad. On the other hand, some may view me as a failure because I haven't made it to the NBA. This is why self judgement is the only standard for which judgment can matter.
For much of my life if not all of it, I can 100% absolutely and honestly tell you that I have not given everything I could have. For so long I was concerned about the opinions of others and unable to breakthrough my own barriers, instead believing my own crap about why it was too hard or why I could not do it. I was always afraid to answer the only question that ever mattered, "Did I put the best version of myself forward?" Had I been able to answer that question more often, I would be further ahead than where I am now. The absolute beauty in not having been able to answer that question is I have learned how to put my best version forward.
That can only have been done by judging myself. Being completely honest about who I am and what I am capable of. By honestly answering that question, I already have the answers needed to move forward into the best version of myself. When you can consistently answer the bell and put the best version of you out into the world every single day, there comes only one more question- "what am I actually capable of?"
If you are looking to find the answer to that question, reach out and connect with me. Do not let the fear of judgement stop you from moving into the person you are meant to be. Let's work together to see you become the person the world needs.